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Entries in rant (2)


Dear Know-it-All Mom at ballet class,

I know you think your parenting style is so much greater than mine, especially after only seeing me in action for a total of 45 minutes over a 3 week period.

Your bad-mom radar was going crazy last week because I told my overly dramatic daughter to suck it up when she realized that she (yes, I make her responsible) forgot her ballet shoes. (Note to readers: this is NOT a strict ballet class with a real teacher. There are kids in there that show up with socks on some days so she’s in good company.) But I’m sure YOU thought you had the solution even after the teacher, and I both tried a few things to get her back in there.

And this week it drove you nuts that I didn’t even bring her because, as I explained in a vague way, she was “punished”. Did I hear you correctly when you said you have never punished your daughter even when she has misbehaved???

When I explained that I feel kids need to learn their actions have consequences, I’m pretty sure you flat out disagreed with me.

You don't even know what she did wrong, and I refuse to tell you because I just know it's eating you up inside. (For the benefit of my readers it has something to do with her hitting her sister, and also being a general crank-pot from the minute she got home from school.)

Please don’t try and lecture me. Don’t nose yourself into my business anymore. Can’t we just sit here for 45 minutes and not look at each other? I’m typing this right now as you are wheedling your way into someone else’s business. And she and I are trading looks.

I’m sorry for your daughter because she’s going to learn a very tough lesson one day.

Good luck with that.



Dear Mr. Service Manager at the Car Dealership...

I know you guys probably aren't selling a lot of cars these days what with gas prices where they are and the market tanking.

I know you need to make some money and the fact that most people are fixing their cars rather than buying new ones means service is the best place for you to do that.

I also know, that you know, that once my car is in there (for an oil change and brakes) you have me by the balls so of course I'm not gonna pick it up and bring it somewhere else. (If I had somewhere else I wouldn't have brought it to you in the first place!)

But do you really need to charge me $50 an hour for labor when the part itself is only $89?

Do I really need to get a $1200 quote on work that should really cost only $500 tops?

Do you really need to "recommend" work that, according to my brother-in-law who owned a service shop, is totally unnecessary?

I know I am partly to blame.
Year after year I race it into your shop because we're leaving on one of our 6 hour trips to my mom's house and I like to make sure it's in tip-top shape. Sue me for not wanting to break down again on the New Jersey Turnpike in the pouring down rain in the middle of effing nowhere and having to pee so bad while I wait for the tow truck that my eyes turn yellow!

I'm sorry I don't want to go through that again and yet I still manage to leave the car stuff to the last minute...I'm...not...perfect!

But if you think for a second I'm gonna just freely hand over my credit card today when I pick my car up you are sorely mistaken. I will bitch, moan, grumble, growl, beg, annoy, pester, and harass you because the $40 discount on brakes you so generously offered me just isn't good enough.

At some point I will look at this as a blessing. Because you are finally forcing me to find "someplace" else to go. And once I am there, I will tell all my friends, and I will send you a nasty postcard.

Here's to your $40 discount.