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Entries in funny (15)

Thursday
Oct162008

Well it was bound to happen!

At just 5 years old, my kids often have more cash on them than me.
I needed to prepay the neighbor kid to take care of our cats and mail while we're gone this weekend...I didn't even have $10 on me.
I saw the little Hello Kitty wallet sitting there just brimming with ones...

ScaryMom "Um, L? Can I borrow some money?"

L, "For what?"

ScaryMom, "I have to pay the neighbor to take care of Fatcat and Franklin while we're gone."

L, after a long pause watching me sweat it out... "Yes. But don't forget to pay me back!"

(Just another reason I'm glad we decided to give them a small allowance.)

Anyone else had to break into their kid's piggy bank yet? Be honest...
ScaryMom

Thursday
Oct092008

WARNING...this post will self-destruct in 5 minutes.

Seriously, this post will have to be deleted at some point.

I do my best to be as open and honest in this blog as I can without completely compromising the welfare (and reputation) of my family. That said, because the Towfer offer so much content, they are often highlighted in my posts and I realize that someday that might piss them off...like when they are 16. Although the fact that they already read has me worried that day may come a lot sooner.

So here's the scoop:


It has come to our attention that M can make herself cry.
I don't mean whiny, pouty-face, cry.
I mean full-on, Haley-Joel-Osment-in-The-Sixth-Sense, Halle-Berry-Oscar- acceptance-speech, me-after-the-wat
ching-the-hospital-scene-from-Terms-of- Endearment, body collapsing, shaking, dry-heaving tears.

It is a sight to behold. And the other day she did it over something as silly as no dessert. I literally stood up and gave her a round of applause and saw dollar signs in my eyes.

ScaryMom, "M - that was amazing! You know you can make a LOT of money doing that in front of a camera?!"

M, "Really?" sniff "Why?"

ScaryMom, "Seriously. What do you think about to make yourself cry like that?"

M, "I don't know." sniff "I just think about something sad like you and daddy leaving me or something and I cry."

ScaryMom (ignoring the fact that she thinks about us leaving her) "And you can do that whenever you want?"

M, sniff, sniff nods her head.

ScaryMom, "Can you do it again and show daddy?"

M, sniff "OK.....", and the tears start rolling.


So now it has become a game, but I don't know who's winning.
We've had her do it for some close friends and family members because at first I saw it like any other talent. "Look what M can do!"
But now I'm beginning to wonder because she's cranked up the crying episodes lately and what I thought was 5 yr old drama might just be me being duped!

M starting her magic

If she's this good at playing me at 5, what will she be like at 10? At 13? At 16?
So why not explore (note: not exploit) this talent a little more and see if I can't get her to channel it into a nice Disney movie roll?

Any talent scouts out there looking for cute red-heads with a knack for tears?

Now that I've exposed my daughter, enjoy commenting on my parenting skills (or lack of) because this post won't be up here forever. But I will always be scary.

Cry baby cry,
ScaryMom

Thursday
Sep252008

Free answers to all those $%&* questions


There area good days, and there are bad days.

Yesterday was one of those bad days. I was woken up at 6:00 AM with a little voice asking me...a question. I mean at 6 in the morning I don't care what the freakin question is - it's annoying and way to early to be in my room!

But what makes a really bad day is when the questions continue...all...day...long.

While I'm fumbling around the kitchen getting their lunches together, "Mommy, why are some people small and some people big?" On the walk to school, "Mommy, what makes a flower smell?" On the way to riding lessons, "Mom, how do the builders make roads?"

After a day like that I feel frustrated AND dumb. But now when I'm out of answers and feel the real Scary in me coming out, I have a resource at the tip of my fingers

I no longer have to reply with 'I don't know', or 'Ask your father' or 'That's a great question for your teacher!'

I can simply go to Chacha.com or text 242242 with the question and get an answer within minutes, if not seconds! And, it's free - text charges apply of course.

Here are two questions and the answers I received in under one minute:

Q. What is the E in 'Chuck E Cheese' for?
A. "The 'E' in Chuck E. Cheese stands for entertainment. The company that owns it is CEC Entertainment."

Q. Why is the sky blue?
A. "A cloudless sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light."

How do they do it? Chacha.com hires guides ...blah, blah, blah. I don't really care!
The fact that they give me a logical sounding answer and I don't have to use the brain power to even be creative and come up with one of my own is what is important here.

Try it next time you want to impress your friends, quiet your kids, or resolve that argument you've had going for years with your husband about the most economical temperature setting for your HVAC...you get the idea.

Twofer Thumbs Up to Chacha.com!
ScaryMom

Thursday
Sep042008

First we learn to ride a horse, then a bike.

We all knew it was in their blood. What with Mr. Scary's love of thoroughbreds and his occupation which often takes him and the Twofer to the track to visit, feed, and in general talk horses.

ScaryMom and M walking Dallas to the riding ring
(notice the fear in my gritted teeth?)

But was it asking too much to think my kids would learn to ride a 2-wheel bike before learning to ride a beast that weighs as much as a small car???
Apparently so.M riding Dallas like a pro

For years L & M knew that the horse center near us offered riding lessons starting at age 5. And for the past year and a half they have been counting down the days until they turned 5 and could take riding lessons. I successfully held them off through the summer, but come fall, there was no stopping them.

L holding Mozart
(and showing him who's boss)

What I didn't know is that there is a fair amount of parent participation in riding. Oh yes, see I am responsible for tacking up the horse (I don't even know if I used that term correctly). I have to secure the bridal, reigns, stirrups, and girth belt thingy that holds the saddle on. The girls are simply too short to do it right now, but they are supposed to learn by watching me every week. (So really, I'm paying over $300 per kid to learn how to be a ranch hand.)

However you can see that within the first 30 minute lesson, they learned to climb onto, as well as start, stop, turn, and otherwise "drive" their new friends named Dallas and Mozart. And I have to say they walked away with huge smiles, and feeling like they could rule the world...not that we need much more of that in our house but I guess it's good starting at a new school and all.




Giddyup Mozart. Ride 'em L!

Am I crazy to let them do this? Let me know by answering my poll in the column to the right.

I'll check results after I'm done mucking out the stalls.

ScaryMom

Saturday
Aug022008

Sugar, Sweat & Tears...just another day at Hershey Park


"This is the BEST DAY Ever Mom!"
A direct quote from L & M.

Not so much for the parents.

I think you have to go into any amusement park in the summer knowing:
a) you'll be hot and sweaty
b) whatever the day, there will be crowds and lines
c) you will spend too much money and eat too much junk



In addition, if you're a neurotic like me you will also
d) yell too loudly as one child keeps wandering too far away
e) cringe at th
e thought of the germs living in the water park area




And if you are married to Mr. Scary you will
f) get annoyed when he keeps walking off
and not telling anyone where he's going
g) give him the silent treatment
h) make-up and still love him because it's a team effort to get throug
h a day like that.


That said, you are a
lso guaranteed to get huge smiles, screams of joy, and lots of giggles from your kids. And that is what makes it worth the trip.


ScaryMom